We are Still Here (2015)

Two of my favorite sub-genres of horror are haunted house/ghost movies, and Giallo slashers, so I was excited to see how this film would be when I heard it was a combination of two of my favorite horror sub-genres. We are Still Here is primarily a haunted house movie, but it also pays tribute to many of the common things you'd find in most Giallo (stylish artsy European slasher films that focused more on production values like cinematography, sets, costumes, music, etc. instead of acting or plot). Some of the Giallo-esque elements you'll see in the movie include 70s-ish clothing and interior decorating style, lots of gore and unique and creative deaths, and a J&B whiskey bottle (which for whatever reason is in most Giallo movies) which is used to almost comedic effect. But like some of the better Giallos the writing and acting are pretty good here, (though if you've seen a lot of supernatural horror films the plot can be a little predictable) as well as the special effects.This unique combination of Giallo slasher and haunted house makes for something that there isn't a lot of, haunted house movies that also have gore or even deaths. But the gore and deaths while being a little over the top, it's fine if you remember it's paying tribute to 70s grindhouse movies. We are Still Here feels very similar plot wise to Rosemary's Baby, The Wicker Man (1973), Giallos like Shock (1977), The Beyond (1981), and newer horror films like Darkness 

(2002), fellow retro inspired modern horror film House of the Devil (2009), and The Canal (2014), but the movie is ultimately entertaining, intense, and refreshing compared to many of the newer horror films that have been released in the last several years. The movie is also surprisingly funny at times. Acclaimed modern horror director, writer and actor, Larry Fessenden (Habit, The Last Winter, Wendigo, I Sell the Dead) stars as a secondary character. We are Still Here is one of my favorite new indie horror movies from the last couple years. The movie is certified fresh on RottenTomatoes.com with a 95% critic approval rating out of 42 ratings. This is the feature directorial debut of Ted Geoghegan and one can only hope this will be the beginning of a great and long career in horror for him. I give We are Still Here a 4.5/5 The movie is currently available to stream on Netflix and you can watch the trailer here. 

Stage Fright (1987) aka Bloody Bird, aka Deliria, aka Aquarius

Stage Fright is a great lesser known 80s Italian slasher film or Giallo (sub genre of slasher film from the 60s-80s that were mostly made in Italy and focused more on cinematography, creative kills, and overall production values instead of acting or plot). It is also the directorial debut of Michele Soavi (The Church, Cemetery Man) who was an assistant director to the king of Giallo himself, Dario Argento, on three of his most famous films (Phenomena, Tenebre, and Opera) as well as working on the Giallo cult classic Demons (1985). Stage Fright is about a theater company rehearsing a musical about a serial killer, when one night an escapee from a local asylum sneaks into the theater. The escapee from the asylum proceeds to hack off the cast one by one while wearing the costume of the

murderer from the play (the killer wears a giant owl head). Like most great Giallos this one has great cinematography, great music, and some really great creative kills, but what makes this one of the better Giallos is that the writing is actually pretty good. While some Giallos are all about gore, they are generally more intelligent and artsy than a lot of their american counterparts like the Friday the 13th films. While some of the deaths go uninvestigated, the whole theater group at one point realize they need to stick together (something that doesn't happen in most 80s slashers) though admittedly that doesn't last long. The most famous scene from this movie happens towards the end when the killer is chasing the final girl across  the stage and  it starts raining bird feathers as is they were snowflakes. The movie has gained a cult following over the years and even a loose remake in 2014. While some of the acting could be better, the rest of the production values in this film are top notch (including the plot development and writing), so for that reason it's a great lesser known slasher and I give it a 4.5/5. The movie is featured in Rue Morgue Magazine's 200 Alternative Horror Films You Need to See book (see full list of films here).

Lost River (2014)

Lost River is the directorial debut of Ryan Gosling, yes that Ryan Gosling. The movie is about a single mother trying to support her two sons in what is essentially a ghost town that only has maybe at most like 10-20 people still living in it. The movie is more about style over plot though with Gosling's biggest influences being the likes Nicolas Winding Refn (Drive, Only God Forgives), Terence Malick (Tree of Life, Badlands, Days of Heaven), and David Lynch (Eraserhead, Twin Peaks) with notable references to both Lynch's Mulholland Dr. and Blue Velvet. The movie is also part tribute to the horror genre with a very interesting cabaret, and a small part played by 1960s scream queen Barbara Steele (Black Sunday, The Pit and the Pendulum). Lost River is part art house drama, part coming of age film, part horror tribute, and part fantasy, but overall you could almost call it a tone poem. While the film does have a plot that progresses and comes to a climax, overall the movie is more focused on having the viewer really feel the emotions of its characters, which it does very well. Adding to the film's style and pacing is the fact that it seemingly takes place during the hottest parts of summer in a midwestern, possibly southern town. You can hear the crickets and the toads in full song, as well as hearing songbirds chirping and dogs howling during the gorgeously captured hues of a sunset in one scene. The summer atmosphere is so well crafted you can almost smell charcoal burning in the distance. The relaxed atmosphere makes the pacing of the character's dialogue all the more relaxed, and while some may call the film slow for that reason, I think it was a stylistic choice and one I greatly enjoyed and related to because it reminded me of those terribly hot summer days where everything slows down because of the heat. Another aspect I liked about Lost River was all the footage of small town urban 

decay it shows. I grew up in a small suburb of Minneapolis and spent many of my summers in a small Wisconsin town for summer camp, so seeing all the dilapidated falling apart buildings was something very familiar to me. Growing up most of my summers were spent exploring the old parks in my town that had been falling apart since the 1980s if not earlier, watching nature grow over and start to take back a lot of the abandoned man made structures. I even explored an abandoned theater like the main protagonists do in the film, so I related to this movie on a personal level. I also found myself really enjoying the soundtrack which is also very influenced by Drive, Blue Velvet, and classic 70s horror films like Deep Red or Phantasm. The Soundtrack features a lot of the same artists as the Drive soundtrack, and similarly to Blue Velvet it picks a song that was popular in the 50s and 60s to be one of its main themes (Deep Purple), and I wouldn't be surprised if the film was originally going to be titled Deep Purple because purple is the film's most used color, from 

the sunsets to the walls of the mother's workplace. Saoirse Ronan also sings a song that's featured twice in the movie and I was overall impressed with her singing voice. The cinematography is gorgeous and I enjoyed the acting. While the movie has many influences I'd say it's probably most similar to Drive or Refn's Only God Forgives, so if you didn't like those two or any of the other influences mentioned earlier you may want to skip this one. Similarly to Drive the movie does have surprising moments of graphic violence. The movie stars Christina Hendricks (Mad Men, Drive) Saoirse Ronan (Brooklyn, Grand Budapest Hotel, Byzantium), Matt Smith (Doctor Who),  Eva Mendes (The Place Beyond the Pines, The Spirit, Hitch), and Ben Mendelson (The Dark Knight Rises, The Place Beyond the Pines). Overall I was very impressed and look forward to Ryan Gosling's next directorial effort whatever it might be. I give Lost River a 5/5. You can watch the trailer below:

Prison (1987)

In Hollywood most actors director and writers start out in horror (or depending on how well their career went, end in horror). Prison is an early film for action film director Renny Harlin (Cliffhanger, DIe Hard 2, Long Kiss Goodnight) Aragorn himself Viggo Mortenson. Prison is a supernatural horror film about an old defunct prison from the 1930s-60s being opened again to house inmates while the new prison facility is being constructed/renovated. However in reopening the old prison, the spirits of many a former inmate come back to cause mayhem particularly for the staff of the "new" prison. The best way for me to describe this movie is to call it a mix between the Shawshank Redemption or The Green Mile and 

Hellraiser. The movie is also similar in style to Michael Mann's The Keep. The effects are done very well and there are some gruesome death scenes in this one, but in my opinion they're just gruesome enough to be frightening without be being over the top or disgustingly unwatchable. The other things that make this film so good are it's cinematography (lots of atmospheric lighting shots/effects), it's tense musical score, the screenplay, and surprisingly great performances from everybody too.When I first heard of this movie and read the existing reviews on Rotten Tomatoes about it, I did not think I would like it so much. I have to say other than The Long Kiss Goodnight this is my favorite Renny Harlin movie. Viggo Mortenson is really good in it as a strong but mostly silent highly intelligent prisoner. The movie was previously unreleased on DVD and had a very limited VHS release so it was fairly hard to find until recently when Shoutfactory recently released it on Blu-ray and DVD. I give Prison a 4.5/5 and highly recommend this underrated and lesser know horror gem. You can watch the trailer here. 

Nothing But Trouble (1991)

This is a movie that is definitely one of a kind. It's a unique blend of horror and comedy with bizarre cast, some really colorful characters,great sets and lots of special effects. To give a small taste of how weird this movie is you need not look any further than the cast list: Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, John candy as two characters (one being a woman), a cameo from a very young Tupac Shakur (as a backup singer in the Digital Underground), and Dan Akroyd as three different characters in tons of heavy makeup. Dan Akroyd wrote, directed produced, and starred in this film as a 100 year old puritanical judge, and two morbidly obese redneck babies. The movie contains a spooky house full of booby traps and junk everywhere (think History channel's Hoarders), weird gadgets (including a train that delivers food and shoots pickles), and a deadly rollercoaster death machine called "Mister Bonestripper" that even has its own theme song. Other than what I just described of the film, it's plot can be very difficult 

to describe due to its constant shift in mood, tone, and genre at times, so I will not try describe the plot here any further. I will add however that this film is essentially a Tim Burton comedy version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. How anybody thought any of this movie up on their own, let alone combined it all is a feat in and of itself. The even more amazing accomplishment is that somehow somebody green-lit Dan Akroyd's bat-shit insane story and gave it a large hollywood budget. The movie was a huge box office flop on its initial release and indeed it is hard to call this film a "good" movie. There are a lot of hollywood cliches here in the form of forced romances, actors playing racial stereotypes, some overly annoying characters and other factors make the film indeed less than perfect. That being said though I have seen this movie three different times and watched it with four different people and have yet to find people (who already enjoy weird and unusual movies) that did not have fun while watching this. The movie's feel is so unique and it's such an oddity that it's uniqueness seems to be redeeming enough so that you can overlook its cheesiness and at times terrible jokes or gags. If you enjoy the weird and unusual, cult movies, or any of the film's stars, I recommend Nothing But Trouble, and I think this movie is ripe enough for a comeback as a cult classic. I give it 4/5. You can watch the trailer here.  P.S. someone please help me turn this amazing still of dan akroyd eating a hot dog into a gif or meme, thank you.

Meet The Feebles (1989)

Every once and a while I need a good dose of shock, and shocking humor is usually how I go about getting it. This was the second film by Peter Jackson (yes that Peter Jackson) before he started winning Oscars and directing elves and hobbits. To those unfamiliar with his early work Dead Alive (one of goriest movies of all time AKA Braindead (1990)) Heavenly Creatures, The Frighteners, and Meet The Feebles are the most famous of his early works. His early movies all have shockingly grotesque cartoonish element to them, similar to the shocking films of Ralph Bakshi ( Fritz the Cat, Coonskin). Meet The Feebles is supposed to be an adult humor parody version of The Muppets. Meet The Feebles is definitely a cult classic much in the way Team America World Police (2004) is becoming a modern cult classic, both movies rely on shocking and offensive humor using puppets, but while Team America has some actual clever and hysterical moments to it, Meet the Feebles comes off as all shock and no humor. The movie has little to no plot, mainly just being about an up and coming puppet variety show where everything goes wrong during the production. I discovered this movie in a book I own called "500 Essential Cult Films" and it sounded bonkers and worth a view, and I will say the movie had potential to be funny but it has more of the "train-wreck effect" where no matter how horrible it gets you can't help but look 

away. There's multiple puppet sex scenes, including puppet rape, a puppet violently vomiting all over the stage, a vietnam vet frog with PTSD and a heroin problem (they use him to recreate the famous russian roulette scene from The Deer Hunter (1978)), multiple puppet murders (including a murder spree with an AK47), puppets melting, a puppet that supposedly has AIDS, a puppet fly eating feces, puppet porn, puppet S&M, puppet racism, a musical number about sodomy, and several other horrible sequences. When the movie was over I just sat there with my jaw dropped. Even the most simple of jokes that could have worked were overpowered by shock such as when a walrus charactertricks a fish into being eaten, but just as you're about to laugh, the walrus vomits up the fish character's

half-eaten corpse which is now begging to be killed. The puppets themselves were kind of cool but overall I enjoyed my friend's story about how he watched this movie while on absinthe (the real stuff mind you, not the kind sold here in the U.S.) much more than the actual movie. If you must witness the craziness that is this movie I highly recommend just watching the trailer. I give it a 2/5. You can watch the trailer here.

Wolf Cop (2014)

I'd been waiting for ten months to see this movie, and the wait was worth it. Canada has a recent wealth of talent when it comes to new independent horror movies, and this instant modern Cult Classic is one of the many fine new entries Canada's indie film scene has to offer to the horror world. Wolf Cop pays tribute 80s movies, both horror comedies like Night of the Creeps, and "so bad they're good" horror/horror action movies like Maniac Cop. Wolf Cop presents itself as a "so bad it's good" action/horror-comedy, and it delivers in every sense even managing to be clever and actually "good" at times. The visual quality of the film is very low budget ( I was reminded of fellow indie Canadian horror film Suck (2009)), the acting for the most part is either adequate or over the top (done intentionally though) and the movie actually has surprisingly effective and decent practicalspecial effects. The tagline for the movie is "half wolf, half man, all cop!" and I must say the movie delivers. The movie never takes itself too seriously which is why it is so much fun to watch. The movie has a decently surprising plot that involves pagan rituals, lunar eclipses, and shape-shifting lizard creatures. The main character is given super powers such as super strength and agility, not only from just "being a werewolf" but also from alcohol, how cool is that?!  I'm a die hard 80s movie fan in general but I also LOVE 80s horror movies and from time to time 80s action movies, and Wolf Cop pays homage to the best qualities of all of those. The movie becomes a buddy cop movie at one point in the film, has THE best homage

-paying mock 80s sex scene ever, the sex scene is worth the price of admission for this movie alone. The sex scene takes place in a jail cell after a "little red riding hood and The Big Bad Wolf" sex joke, and just all of a sudden there's dozens and dozens of candles all over the jail cell and a great 80s Canadian one hit wonder tune playing on an also seemingly appearing out of nowhere boombox. The movie also has a pretty decent soundtrack, and more wolf puns and "Big Bad wolf" references than you can shake a stick at. My major beefs with this film are 1) They show a man's penis falling off (either partially real or all prosthetic, it did not add anything to the film and I didn't need to see that), 2) There's a horrible Wolf Cop "theme rap" at the end of the movie, which I think

paid tribute to the Maniac Cop 2 rap at the end of its credits, but was still horrible, 3) some of the acting was legitimately bad and some of the characters (like the main character in human form) are completely uninteresting husks of human beings lacking any personality. The movie is still a lot of fun though and best enjoyed amongst a group of friends after having a couple drinks. The movie is currently streaming on Netflix, and I give it a 4/5.You can watch the trailer here.

A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (2014)

The world's first Iranian Vampire western is fantastic. The movie is based on a graphic novel and the title character has vigilante qualities making her similar to Batman, ready to avenge the mistreated women of Iran. The movie has gorgeous black and white cinematography (that echoes classic German expressionism), and a heartwarming quirky romance (very different from the sappy melodramatic likes of Twilight). The movie also has great commentary on the state of Iran's youth abandoning tradition, the youth's relationship with their parents, drugs and addiction, as well as commentary about loving one's self and finding one's self worth. Plus the movie has great shots of a Vampire skateboarding, and a fantastic soundtrack. My only problem with the film is the cynism expressed by the title character, though the cynical dialogue she spews is similar to dialogue from other modernized vampires in film such as from Lestatt in Interview With the Vampire, Let the 

Right One In (2008) or some of the dialogue from the main vampire's in Neil Jordan's most recent vampire film Byzantium (2012). I did like how the main character seems to see her cynicism questioned by the romantic interest, and the ending was refreshingly different from some of the other most recent vampire films. While the movie is set in Iran, it is filmed

in southern California. Most of the cast and crew though are from Iran though and the movie is shot in the authentic language. This movie is a must see for all horror/vampire fans, as well as festival favorite at artsy film festivals winning many awards and should appeal to art-film fans. The movie has a "certified fresh" 96% critic rating out of 91 reviews and only four of those being "rotten" or bad, and a 76% fan rating.The movie is currently available on instant streaming on Netflix. I give the film a 4.5/5, and you can watch the trailer here. 

Quicksilver Highway (1997)

On paper this movie is amazing, in execution, not so much. I must say I love anthology TV series' (Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Night Gallery, Tales From The Crypt, Tales From the Darkside) and I wish there were more of them still around nowadays, because I love short singular stories, and it's a big time saver too to not have to watch a full season of a TV show and follow a story arc. But when it comes to movies, there are very few really good anthology movies out there (tying the short stories together in one coherent movie. Some of the best anthology movies (horror related) are Dead of Night (1945), Tales From the Crypt (1972), Stephen King's Cat's Eye (1985), The Twilight Zone Movie (1983), and Trick 'r Treat (2007). Other anthology movies such as VHS (2012, which I haven't seen) and Creepshow (1982, which I didn't like) are also some of the more famous anthology movies. Now Quicksilver Highway is a great premise: get two stories by two of the greatest minds in horror ever (Clive Barker, and Stephen King), and piece them together by a mysterious traveling character who lives in an undisclosed location (and in a trailer similar to Doctor Who's Tardis, bigger on the inside than the outside) in the american southwest to tell the tales and have arguably the greatest horror director from the TV world, Mick Garris (The Stand (1994) mini series, and Masters of Horror (2005-2007)), to direct and cinema legend Christopher Lloyd to star. However like other anthology movies 

that boast stories from great authors ( I'm looking at you Creepshow's 1&2) the stories they pick are some of the weakest of the authors' careers. The set locations in the U.S. southwest are great and creepy on their own (reminiscent of Near Dark (1987) and The Hitcher (1986)) but the rest of the movie is weak. Some of the actors are decent in here but there are more bad actors and over actors than good ones here, and I'm tempted to blame Garris's direction because I saw similar effects in Masters of Horror episodes. Christopher Lloyd's character is the narrator and he supposedly makes a living collecting rare objects and travelling the back roads of america taking a good look at the country's seedy underbelly. For anybody out there who has ever listened to any old radio shows, this premise might seem familiar. The 1930s and 40s radio shows The Whistler and The Mystrerious Traveler were also about mysterious travelers roaming the country telling and witnessing stories. Though I like the premise of the character (I loved the Whistler and Mysterious Traveler radio shows), the execution was lacking to me and you could tell this movie was put together after a failed attempt at a TV pilot was made. Lloyd's character first off looks more like a weird hobo than he does scary or even intriguing. Lloyd's costume has a cape and lace similar to Rutger Hauer's in The Hitcher. Plus Lloyd is also wearing a dog collar-esque ladies choker around his neck with symbols representing his 

stories decorated on it. Lloyd also sports a bizarre bowl-cut moptop hairdo. As for the stories themselves the first is called "The Chattery Teeth" by Stephen King and is about a man who picks up a murderous hitch hiker and is saved by a sentient pair of novelty toy wind up teeth. The second story Clive Barker's 'The Body Politic," and is about a man's hands becoming sentient and separating themselves from the man's body and starting a war between mankind and "hand-kind." First of all as I said before the acting is poor for the most part but it's the worst in the Barker story. In the hands (no pun intended) of the right writers and directors the whole "possessed hand" story can be good, but it always runs the risk of becoming way too campy and almost always succumbs to that fate. Some titles that execute the "possessed hand" story well are The Beast with Five Fingers (1946) starring Peter Lorre, and Body Parts (1991). The actor in this film with the possessed hands is ridiculous looking and super hammy. However the other redeeming quality of this movie is the special effects. Special effects wise, the teeth and the hands (when severed) are well done and some of the best sentient objects moving on their own scenes put to film. The other thing that I didn't like about this movie was that apart from the stories shared sentient object theme, the stories have nothing in common and they don't even bother to connect the narrator from point "a" to point "b," or have anything to do with the "dark side of america". There is one other cool thing about this movie though, Clive Barker and acclaimed director John Landis (Blues Brothers, American Werewolf in London, Animal House) have cameos in the second segement of this made for TV movie. Overall I have to give this movie a 2/5, and you can watch the trailer here.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors (1987)

I recently re-watched the original Nightmare on Elm Street and was very impressed. I hadn't seen it since I was 14 and that was long before I started watching horror movies so I closed my eyes during a lot of it and missed the wonderful effects. I did remember that I enjoyed the second Nightmare film though as it was a unique take on a werewolf or vampire film (instead of turning into one of those monsters the main character is turning into Freddy Krueger). But I never cared to see anymore of a series I perceived as only continuing its existence because Hollywood executives knew how to milk a franchise and market towards teenagers. I thought the clever Psychological (and almost blood and deathless) second entry in the franchise was as good as it got for Freddy films. Then within the last year I started seeing references to the Dream Warriors sequel pop up all over the place. I heard about the song/music video that 80s hair metal band Dokken did for the film and I read all the comments on the youtube upload of the video written by devoted fans who loved the third film the most of the series. I also saw that the site where I buy my horror movie t-shirts made a couple different shirts dedicated to the film. At this point I had to at least look up the film, so I did and I was surprised to find an interesting plot involving the main character from the first film training a new group of teenagers how to control their dreams and fight back against Freddy like a horror movie version of the X-Men. I love the paranormal and movies about psychic phenomena and the like, so after hearing this description and all the praise the film got from all around the corners of the internet (as well as seeing this was Oscar winner Patricia Arquette's film debut, and features a young Lawrence Fishburne) I had to see this for myself. In this film Freddy (essentially

the boogeyman) has once again returned from beyond the grave to kill children in their dreams with his famous finger knives. For starters it was nice to see the franchise finally make a direct sequel to the first film after the second film was kind of more of a reboot than a direct sequel (it completely ignored everything about the story of the first film except for Freddy, his origin story, and the fact that murders happened). It was nice to see Heather Langenkamp return, and since I myself am a fresh out of college aspiring Counseling student, it was nice to see a character from a horror movie I like pursuing what I hope to be my future career. The movie starts with a horrific dream sequence showing that this film is not afraid to get right to the action. That being said the film has a wonderful pace, wonderful cinematography, and arguably the best effects and acting out of the entire series. Freddy personalizes his attacks on the teenagers much moreso in this film than the previous two. A former heroin addict is killed by Freddy with syringe fingers instead of knives. A mute kid has his tongue ripped out and is tied to a bed with it while Freddy quips "Feeling Tongue-tied??" It was also nice to see the franchise finally come into the humor it (like the Child's Play/Chucky series) would become famous for. Freddy has wonderful one-liners like when he kills

a girl who longs to be an actress, he transforms into a TV and tells her "This is your big break in TV Jennifer! Welcome to prime-time bitch!" as he shoves her head through the TV glass electrocuting her. As mentioned before the effects are incredible in this movie, in one scene Freddy turns into a giant worm (while still retaining his face) and attempts to gobble up one of the kids. The film also embellishes on Krueger's origin story now giving him the badass nickname "The bastard son of 1000 maniacs". My only problem with this movie is the ending. I won't give it away but like how Game of Thrones functions, you're going to be upset if you get attached to too many of the characters. The movie is definitely one of the better horror movie sequels of all time. It was so good it makes me sad to hear that none of the series' later films are supposedly anywhere near as good as this one. What I love overall about the Elm Street franchise is that the teenagers in these movies are not the mindless horny teenagers you see in most other horror films. Most of the time the kids in these movies are actually smart, and likable, which makes the villain all the more scarier for killing these kids, it makes the viewer feel like this could almost happen to anyone, even you. Also I have always loved surrealist art music and films, and Nightmare is the surrealist horror franchise, no doubt about it. For someone like myself who has some of the most effed up dreams ever, it's nice to see terrifying dreams in a movie actually reach my level of weird/terrifying.  I give the film a 4.5/5 stars. You can watch the trailer below:

Suburban Sasquatch (2004)

I can honestly say the quality of this cover art is better than the whole film.

I usually review good movies here on my blog but lately I saw gem so horrible it deserves to be as beloved as other horrible films like The Room, Birdemic or Troll 2. This is basically people fooling around with a camcorder with spectacularly horrible results. Every possible error you could ever have in a film is present in this. And every time you think something clever might happen in this film it shatters all hopes and expectations. The movie is about Big Foot causing a ruckus in suburbia. The plot is so poorly constructed though that stuff just sort of happens and there is no real flow to this movie, most of the characters don't even have names. The Sasquatch costume is very clearly a cheap Halloween costume, and all other props were very clearly bought from a Halloween store as well (severed limbs and whatnot). Pretty much whenever there isn't a bat-shit insane sasquatch attack happening there is horrible boring dialogue that makes no sense that sounds like the stupid crap people think sounds super intelligent when they're stoned out of their minds. There are some fantastic lines in this film though like a child's mother trying to reassure him that bigfoot isn't real: "He's not real timmy that's why he's never around, like the Boogeyman or your father." Also the sasquatch somehow has supernatural powers and can teleport anywhere (and apparently he can grow taller for some reason?). The hilariousness of how horrible this film is cannot be underestimated: during driving sequences character very clearly drive around in circles, in certain scenes they reuse the same shot five times, there is a fabulous attack scene 

"I don't believe, I sell!"
actual line from this man.

where the sasquatch attacks a stopped car  and during the scene the editor mixes shots of both the car moving and stopped, the sasquatch's growl sounds like an upset stomach, there are many scenes of the sasquatch goofily flailing his arms around, the "cave" where the sasquatch lives is very clearly someone's garage or basement with a black garbage bag draped on the wall, and the film's racist stereotype of a Native American woman who is supposed to be a mystical archery expert hits the sasquatch fifty times  

throughout the film (sometimes with Nerf arrows, sometimes with horrible CG arrows) and they never have any affect. Also this movie has continuity and editing errors up the wazoo, most of the time you can tell they just used the camera's external microphone. The movie also has atrocious CG effects. The police officers have worse costumes than the cops in Scooby Doo, and most of the time they never drive a cop car, not to mention they talk directly into a fax machine because somehow the makers of this piece of shit couldn't even afford a damn Walkie Talkie! Not to mention the Newspaper office and the Police Office are very clearly shot inside of an elementary school building. The movie does have some amazing death scenes though. There is one scene where the yeti rips out a man's own intestines and feeds them to him!  This is the perfect movie to rip apart and do commentary on with a group of friends. The worst kind of movie is one that is so horrible that there is nothing entertaining or enjoyable about it what so ever, and there are a lot of movies that fall into that category that actually have decent production values and actually follow the rules of cinema 101 very well. There are also movies that are designed to intentionally be horrible. And then there is the best kind of horrible movie, the one that is so bad it is unintentionally hilarious like the play "Springtime for Hitler" from The Producers. Suburban sasquatch falls into the latter category and for that reason it cannot be judged or evaluated in the same sense that one uses for "good" movies. Therefore as a "So-bad-it's-good" movie I give Suburban Sasquatch a 5/5, but in a traditional sense I give it a -9001/5. Here is a video review and some clips of the movie's best moments.

They look more like UPS men than Cops.

Delicatessen (1991)

You could call this film a post apocalyptic dystopian Sci-Fi, a Dark Comedy, or a light hearted Romance and you would be correct on all three counts. From the same French director who became most known for the acclaimed and award winning Amelie (also known for City of Lost Children, and Alien: Resurrection) comes this incredibly unique and delightful film.  The film takes place in future France (date unspecified though the costumes and props give the film a 1940s feel) after the world has been ravaged by nuclear warfare and farmers can no longer grow crops of any kind (or at least fertile soil and seeds are incredibly hard to come by). So people have now resorted to eating meat, but due to no crops, animals are also hard to come by, so a French landlord who also happens to own a butcher shop hacks up his tenants and sells them to his customers. Despite that description sounding incredibly dark and bleak, I kid you not this film is one of the most whimsical and light-hearted movies I've seen in a long time, possibly ever. This is director Jean-Pierre Jeunet's first film and it has won many awards, won much praise from critics, and is featured in many "greatest films of all time" lists. Jeunet has a very distinct style to all his films, and they usually come off as visually rich, but distinctly French, dark fantasies; This film is no exception. The actor Dominique Pinon (who is 

featured in all of Jeunet's films) plays the main character, an ex-circus clown looking for a job and a place to live. His character thinks he has found a great deal at the Butcher's tenement, but he will soon realize what danger awaits him. The film takes turns showing off all the tenants in the building and each one of them is somewhat pathetic (though endearing) and funny in their own way. There are two competitive brothers who make novelty toys that make cow sounds, a woman who constantly tries (and fails) to commit suicide in elaborate ways, a down on his luck salesman who designs condoms and sells "rat-calls," and the Butcher's own shy bookish daughter who takes a fancy to the new tenant. The highlights of this film include its great special effects, its bizarre romance between the ex-clown and the Butcher's daughter (they play a musical duet for cello and "singing" saw), its incredible wit (I found myself laughing out loud to this one several times), and the fact it maintains an inspiring "wide-eyed" innocence in a seemingly bleak world. Make no mistake this is a weird one, and quite often some of the laughs come from the sheer weirdness of the film, but I found it thoroughly unique and enjoyable. Delicatessen was to me  refreshingly uplifting drink of water, in the midst of  a sea of dark and gritty films with bleak outlooks on life. Delicatessen shows that there is hope no matter how bad life seems. I give it a 5/5. You can watch the trailer here. 

 

The Original Sweeney Todd aka The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1936)

The story of Sweeney Todd goes all the way back to 1847 when it first appeared as a serial in British penny dreadful's (an early form of campy or melodramatic pulp fiction) but it has arguably never been as famous or popular as it has been in the last 30 years or so. The most well known portrayals of this classic story of "the demon barber" are the tony award winning Stephen Soundheim musical version, and the Tim Burton Johnny Depp (2007) film version of said musical . But before either of those versions there was a film version made in 1936. If you are not familiar with the story, Sweeney Todd is the name of an English Barber in London who murders his customers and gives them to the little lady next door, who butchers them and makes them into her famous meat pies. It's gruesome to be sure, but its the story's ghastliness that has made it stick in pop culture for so long. Back in the 1930s Hollywood's biggest leading men in Horror were the Hungarian Bela Lugosi, and the British Boris Karloff. While Karloff was the most famous English man in Horror at the time, there was another man of the day who was just as big as Karloff in the UK; Tod Slaughter. Slaughter made many horror films in England back in the 30s and 40s, but his fame didn't quite transfer across the Atlantic he remained and remains still, largely unknown. He was famous for playing over the top madmen in Victorian melodramas,

his most famous of which was Sweeney Todd. He did influence many future famous names in horror such as Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, both most famous for the many gothic British melodramatic films they made with Hammer Studios. Overall the film is decent. Slaughter is brilliantly chilling in the title role and reminds me a bit of Mark Hamil's interpretation of The Joker in Batman: the animated series. Unlike the famous musical and film version, Todd is not an empathetic character in the story here and is only the villain, not the kind of antihero portrayed in later versions with a much more complex story-line. The movie never goes into the background of Todd or why he murders these people, and that mystery makes the character all the more chilling. Overall it's a purely entertaining film with nothing too deep to it, but who says it has to be anything more? Obviously the production values of the film are more than a little dated being almost 80 years old, but Slaughter's portrayal of the character is still somewhat frightening even by today's standards. I give the film a 4/5. You can watch entire film on youtube here.

Peeping Tom (1960)

 

   On the special features of the DVD for this film, there is a documentary entitled "A Very British Psycho," and there is almost no better way to sum up this film than by saying just that. Peeping Tom was the last big film made by renowned and celebrated English director Michael Powell, who was most famous for visually stunning classics like Black Narcissus, The Red Shoes, and The Thief of Bagdad. All those films by Powell mentioned plus several others are featured as a part of the prestigious Criterion Collection, including Peeping Tom. Peeping Tom is one of the best psychological character studies in film, not just horror films, but all film. The title character is an antisocial photographer who struggles with his voyeuristic urges and ends up killing several models of the course of the film, but does so while filming them. This film was very shocking when it was first released and it definitely had the potential to turn into a Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer-esque film, in that it could have shown us a merciless sociopathic unfeeling killer. Instead of doing that however Peeping Tom is wonderfully sympathetic of its main character, making the audience feel for him and whatever psychological illness he struggles with. The film also differs from most serial-killer films because the main character does seek out treatment and does seem to progress at points throughout the film, even though (trying not to give any spoilers here) the film does end with a rather tragic tone. The film is very Freudian showing how childhood traumas can cause behaviors or disorders that can last the rest of the child's lifetime. Other notable things about the movie are one: that the cinematography is gorgeous and there are a lot of unique and interesting POV shots, two: the acting is fantastic, and three: Powell cast himself as the main characters cold scientific seemingly inhuman father who photographed the main character's every move when he was a child. A role that Powell actually slightly resembled in real life through the fact that he always carried a camera with him and filmed everything, and that he cast his own son to play the main character as a child. The film received terrible reviews initially and 

its theatrical run in the UK only lasted 2 weeks. Later that year Hitchcock released his similar film Psycho (which of course has become an immortal classic) and he surprised the press by telling them he wouldn't have a special pre-release screening for the film (a film industry standard that is still practiced today even). When asked why he wouldn't have the screening Hitchcock had this to say: "You saw what happened to Mickey's film (referring to Powell), therefore I'm serious when I say there will be no press screening. They may hate my film even more!" Peeping Tom essentially ruined Powell's career for the remainder of his life until shortly before his death the film earned praise by "New-Hollywood" directors like Martin Scorsese and Francis Ford Coppola. The film has regained the praise it missed initially, throughout the years becoming a cult classic as well as universally loved by critics, regarded as both a classic and an art film, and by many one of the greatest films of all time. Though the film can be tense at times (even though no graphic violence is ever shown on camera) it is worth watching all the way through, and I give it a 5/5. Instead of posting the trailer like I normally do, I've decided to include the film's opening scene below. The movie is also featured in Rue Morgue's 200 Alternative Horror Films You Need to See. 

Puppet Master (1989) Original

I'll just start right off the bat by saying I have no idea how this spawned so many sequels or became as famous/successful as it did. I found it incredibly mediocre and repulsing at times. I love the idea of the killer puppets, but the execution was awful. It takes like two thirds of the movie to explain what is actually going on in the film long after the puppets have already started killing people. And there is just so much about this movie that makes no sense, for example supposedly the original creator of the puppets did not intend them to be used as dangerous weapons, but if that's the case why make them with knives for hands and drill bits for heads? Plus like many movies made during the 80s the characters (the puppets) have catchy nicknames like Blade, Pinhead and Tunneler, as if these characters were designed with the purpose of selling toys based off of the film, but this is a very violent film and not a kids movie (an illogical but common trend in the 80s).  Also the twist didn't make a whole lot of sense to me (Spoiler Alert) how did the bad guy come back after he died? The answer was he used the ancient Egyptian spell he the puppet master used to bring the dolls to life sure, but how could say the spell to revive himself once he was dead? Unless he said it before he died which shouldn't work cause he wasn't inanimate at the time. Also I noticed several continuity errors and such in the film, and I can understand some people may like these movies for being "so bad they're good" but this first one didn't 

even reach that level of bad for me. It just sat at the level between good and bad reserved for the horribly mediocre film which tries to take itself seriously and be good but misses the mark. That being said I didn't hate it, but it wasn't good enough for me to like it either, though I must admit at first the plot with the psychics being in search of these puppets and psychically linked to each other did intrigue me, but it didn't develop or explain itself enough. My favorite thing about the movie was seeing veteran character actor William Hickey (MouseHunt, The Producers, Little Big Man, Prizi's Honor) cast as the Puppet Master. So I give it a 2.5/5. The full movie is available to stream (as well as all of it's 8 sequels) free on Hulu, and you can watch the trailer below:

House of the Devil (2009)

I usually stay away from anything demonic or of the like, but this is a really great psychological retro-themed horror film definitely worth a watch for any horror fan. On one level the film has a bunch of similarities to Rosemary's Baby, but at the same time it also feels like a mini version of The Shining (both in location size and film length) or a haunted house film. The plot centers around a college student hard-up for cash answering a flyer that advertised needing a baby sitter, but upon arrival to the babysitting job she finds out the couple who put out the ad are actually childless. The film is dialogue-less for most of the movie and there's a small cast of about five characters in total or so. The film is stylized after movies from the late 70s and early 80s and is set in the 80s. The fashion and cars are vintage as well as the 80s walkman the main character carries and the music she dances to while "babysitting", and the film's synth soundtrack. The film's feel is reminiscent of some of Poanski's films like The Tenant, as well as some of Dario Argento's 70s films too. All in all this movie was a great psychological thriller with some unexpected scares and it was also surprisingly fun, I found myself dancing in my seat and drumming along to the film's dance sequence set to the 80s one hit wonder The Fixx's One Thing Leads to Another. It can also get surprisingly violent  The film has a cameo by horror veteran Dee Wallce (The Howling, Critters, Cujo, The Frighteners, E.T.) and has character actor great Tom Noonan (Heat, Manhunter, Last Action Hero, Monster Squad) in a creepy role as well. This film was director Ti West's big break, he then went on to make more successful horror films like V/H/S, The Innkeepers, and his newest film produced by Eli Roth called The Sacrament which is available to stream on Netflix and was heavily promoted by them upon the film's release. House of the devil is featured in Rue Morgue Magazine's 200 Alternative Horror Films You Need to See book, and is available to stream on Netflix as well. I give the movie a 4.5/5 and you can watch the trailer below:

Frozen (2010)

This is not the Disney movie folks, this is about as far as you can get from it actually. This film is a survival horror/thriller about three friends getting abandoned in a chairlift high in the mountains of a ski resort as a snow storm approaches and no one will be back to the resort for at least a week. This movie is amazing for many reasons, and first and foremost I'd say its most amazing feature is its realism. The film uses practical effects which means they actually put three actors in a real chairlift that high up in the air, a lot of the severe weather filmed is authentic, two of the main actors were life long friends so the chemistry between them is real, the wolves are real, most of the stunts actually happened, and so on and so forth. To me that really puts me in favor of this film without even having watched one second of it, but there's much more to love for when you actually do watch the film. The actors are so good, they tell each others life stories throughout the course of the film, and while many writers/actors/directors wouldn't have been able to pull that off without being horribly cheesy, the cast and crew of Frozen make it work, and really make you feel the pain and fear and everything else the characters feel. The film also 

delivers phenomenal thrills and scares without being super violent, dealing with the supernatural, or the slightly implausible but still possible all too commonly filmed scenario of the serial killer. What makes this film scary is nature itself. Humans have been battling nature for as long as we've been on earth, and this film pokes at all the things we have to fear about nature. This film is like Jaws for skiers, I daresay you won't want to hurry up a chairlift after you see this movie. The film did have some moments that were a little cheesy, but overall it could have been so much worse. The movie is a non-stop thrill ride that will make you feel like you just got off the best roller-coaster at your local theme park. The ending is a tad vague for me, but I kind of like it that way because it can be up to interpretation a little bit then, and that's nice because I know there are probably a lot of people who will interpret the ending negatively, but I feel there's room for it to be interpreted positively. I should also probably mention this film was written and directed by Adam Green, the creative force behind the Hatchet movies. Overall I loved this movie and I give it a 5/5; You can watch the trailer below:

The Eyes of Laura Mars (1978)

There's really no other way to say it, this movie was disappointing. The plot sounded very intriguing and like a film version of an X-Files episode: Fashion Photographer Laura Mars has psychic powers beyond her control that allow her to see through the eyes of a psychopathic killer that's on the loose. This was an early project for legendary horror director John Carpenter who wrote the film's screenplay. The movie stars Faye Dunaway, a young Tommy Lee Jones, and one of my favorite character actors Brad Dourif, the great character actor Rene Auberjonois is also in he film (playing quite possibly the funniest/best character of the film). The film has a good 1970s vibe present throughout the majority of 

the film (the cars, the fashion, the architecture) and the film has good cinematography (a bit like some of the Giallo greats), but there is a large portion of this film that is really boring, and a lot of it probably could have been cut out. I fell asleep in the middle of the movie, woke up and finished it without missing a beat (the same thing happened when I watched Heat [1995]), I feel like if you're doing you're job of making the movie correctly then I should have had to re-watch what I slept through. Also this movie's plot has been done many times before, so I wasn't too surprised when the twist was revealed at the end because for a seasoned movie buff like myself, it was pretty easy to figure out (for lesser film buffs though it might be more difficult). The other notable thing about this movie is the theme song by Barbara Streisand "Prisoner," which I guess was somewhat of a hit for her. Overall though this was a mediocre movie and I give it a 3/5; You can Watch the Trailer below:

Maniac Cop (1988)

I picked this one up because of its rep as a big cult classic and I heard it was a "so bad it's good" movie, but overall it treaded the line between being an actual "good" movie and a "so bad its good"  movie. So overall I would say it's just a "bad" movie, but one did have some entertainment value to it. The film is about exactly what it sounds like, a "maniac cop" that goes around killing innocent people, but what's interesting is that the killer may or may not be an undead former police officer (that is what attracted me to this film). The film has somewhat of a traditional 80s slasher feel to it, but it tries to hard to be an intelligent mystery with a twist (which it's not), the twist and overall "mystery" are pretty predictable and have easily found solutions (they actually show you the name tag on the uniform of the killer in the movie's opening sequence). Tom Atkins plays the cop who is on the trail of the maniac cop throughout most of the film, and Bruce Campbell (who appeared in this film and it's 1st sequel in between filming Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness) plays the prime suspect who claims he's innocent. I loved Tom Atkins in The Fog, Halloween III, and of course Night of the Creeps, he's still good in this film but I think the writing was a little hokey overall for everyone in this film. Bruce Campbell really shines with his typical slapstick style towards the end of the film, and that quite frankly is the best part of this movie. In the last 15-20 minutes or so is when the most action occurs, Bruce Campbell starts being Bruce Campbell, the maniac cop is revealed and all the good stuff happens, the rest of the film is not as entertaining as the ending. Also another problem with the film is when they finally do reveal the killer's face the makeup is so bad and actors face is so bizarre that all the ominous scary atmosphere of the film and persona of the killer gets washed away with the first glimpse of the killer's face, which needless to say is a big let down. The titular cop is played by cult and B-movie veteran Robert Z'dar (along with his inhumanly large jaw, which is all natural by the way), and he went on to reprise his role in the film's following two sequels. The film itself is directed by William Lustig who aside from this film and its sequels is most known for the infamously gorey 80s slasher Maniac. Overall the film was alright but it could've been so much better if it made up its mind and went with full on seriousness, or full on wackiness, it was too in-between for me so I give it a 3/5. It did have a great tag-line though: "You have the right to remain silent...forever!"  You can watch the trailer below:

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Every summer I like to watch a summer camp movie, I always like watching movies during the season in which they take place. This movie is famous for its "twist" ending, and it spawned several sequels. This movie is similar to the first two Friday the 13th films and The Burning, and in my opinion is better than the Friday films, but not as good as The Burning. The acting is pretty bad at parts, what makes this film interesting is its exploration of sexuality that you normally didn't see in films much around this time, let alone low budget teen horror movies (I speak of sexuality here as more of a gender/sexuality issue than just showing everybody sleeping around, which is what is more usually common in these types of films). All this being said the "twist" at the end while interesting and different, didn't really affect or change the incidents that occurred during the plot, in other words it's not hard to figure out who the killer is and the whole film makes you think the mystery and "twist" will change who you think it is, it doesn't and is a let down because of it. I give the film a 3/5; You can watch the whole film on Youtube here, and you can watch the trailer below: