Meet The Feebles (1989)

Every once and a while I need a good dose of shock, and shocking humor is usually how I go about getting it. This was the second film by Peter Jackson (yes that Peter Jackson) before he started winning Oscars and directing elves and hobbits. To those unfamiliar with his early work Dead Alive (one of goriest movies of all time AKA Braindead (1990)) Heavenly Creatures, The Frighteners, and Meet The Feebles are the most famous of his early works. His early movies all have shockingly grotesque cartoonish element to them, similar to the shocking films of Ralph Bakshi ( Fritz the Cat, Coonskin). Meet The Feebles is supposed to be an adult humor parody version of The Muppets. Meet The Feebles is definitely a cult classic much in the way Team America World Police (2004) is becoming a modern cult classic, both movies rely on shocking and offensive humor using puppets, but while Team America has some actual clever and hysterical moments to it, Meet the Feebles comes off as all shock and no humor. The movie has little to no plot, mainly just being about an up and coming puppet variety show where everything goes wrong during the production. I discovered this movie in a book I own called "500 Essential Cult Films" and it sounded bonkers and worth a view, and I will say the movie had potential to be funny but it has more of the "train-wreck effect" where no matter how horrible it gets you can't help but look 

away. There's multiple puppet sex scenes, including puppet rape, a puppet violently vomiting all over the stage, a vietnam vet frog with PTSD and a heroin problem (they use him to recreate the famous russian roulette scene from The Deer Hunter (1978)), multiple puppet murders (including a murder spree with an AK47), puppets melting, a puppet that supposedly has AIDS, a puppet fly eating feces, puppet porn, puppet S&M, puppet racism, a musical number about sodomy, and several other horrible sequences. When the movie was over I just sat there with my jaw dropped. Even the most simple of jokes that could have worked were overpowered by shock such as when a walrus charactertricks a fish into being eaten, but just as you're about to laugh, the walrus vomits up the fish character's

half-eaten corpse which is now begging to be killed. The puppets themselves were kind of cool but overall I enjoyed my friend's story about how he watched this movie while on absinthe (the real stuff mind you, not the kind sold here in the U.S.) much more than the actual movie. If you must witness the craziness that is this movie I highly recommend just watching the trailer. I give it a 2/5. You can watch the trailer here.

Wolf Cop (2014)

I'd been waiting for ten months to see this movie, and the wait was worth it. Canada has a recent wealth of talent when it comes to new independent horror movies, and this instant modern Cult Classic is one of the many fine new entries Canada's indie film scene has to offer to the horror world. Wolf Cop pays tribute 80s movies, both horror comedies like Night of the Creeps, and "so bad they're good" horror/horror action movies like Maniac Cop. Wolf Cop presents itself as a "so bad it's good" action/horror-comedy, and it delivers in every sense even managing to be clever and actually "good" at times. The visual quality of the film is very low budget ( I was reminded of fellow indie Canadian horror film Suck (2009)), the acting for the most part is either adequate or over the top (done intentionally though) and the movie actually has surprisingly effective and decent practicalspecial effects. The tagline for the movie is "half wolf, half man, all cop!" and I must say the movie delivers. The movie never takes itself too seriously which is why it is so much fun to watch. The movie has a decently surprising plot that involves pagan rituals, lunar eclipses, and shape-shifting lizard creatures. The main character is given super powers such as super strength and agility, not only from just "being a werewolf" but also from alcohol, how cool is that?!  I'm a die hard 80s movie fan in general but I also LOVE 80s horror movies and from time to time 80s action movies, and Wolf Cop pays homage to the best qualities of all of those. The movie becomes a buddy cop movie at one point in the film, has THE best homage

-paying mock 80s sex scene ever, the sex scene is worth the price of admission for this movie alone. The sex scene takes place in a jail cell after a "little red riding hood and The Big Bad Wolf" sex joke, and just all of a sudden there's dozens and dozens of candles all over the jail cell and a great 80s Canadian one hit wonder tune playing on an also seemingly appearing out of nowhere boombox. The movie also has a pretty decent soundtrack, and more wolf puns and "Big Bad wolf" references than you can shake a stick at. My major beefs with this film are 1) They show a man's penis falling off (either partially real or all prosthetic, it did not add anything to the film and I didn't need to see that), 2) There's a horrible Wolf Cop "theme rap" at the end of the movie, which I think

paid tribute to the Maniac Cop 2 rap at the end of its credits, but was still horrible, 3) some of the acting was legitimately bad and some of the characters (like the main character in human form) are completely uninteresting husks of human beings lacking any personality. The movie is still a lot of fun though and best enjoyed amongst a group of friends after having a couple drinks. The movie is currently streaming on Netflix, and I give it a 4/5.You can watch the trailer here.

A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (2014)

The world's first Iranian Vampire western is fantastic. The movie is based on a graphic novel and the title character has vigilante qualities making her similar to Batman, ready to avenge the mistreated women of Iran. The movie has gorgeous black and white cinematography (that echoes classic German expressionism), and a heartwarming quirky romance (very different from the sappy melodramatic likes of Twilight). The movie also has great commentary on the state of Iran's youth abandoning tradition, the youth's relationship with their parents, drugs and addiction, as well as commentary about loving one's self and finding one's self worth. Plus the movie has great shots of a Vampire skateboarding, and a fantastic soundtrack. My only problem with the film is the cynism expressed by the title character, though the cynical dialogue she spews is similar to dialogue from other modernized vampires in film such as from Lestatt in Interview With the Vampire, Let the 

Right One In (2008) or some of the dialogue from the main vampire's in Neil Jordan's most recent vampire film Byzantium (2012). I did like how the main character seems to see her cynicism questioned by the romantic interest, and the ending was refreshingly different from some of the other most recent vampire films. While the movie is set in Iran, it is filmed

in southern California. Most of the cast and crew though are from Iran though and the movie is shot in the authentic language. This movie is a must see for all horror/vampire fans, as well as festival favorite at artsy film festivals winning many awards and should appeal to art-film fans. The movie has a "certified fresh" 96% critic rating out of 91 reviews and only four of those being "rotten" or bad, and a 76% fan rating.The movie is currently available on instant streaming on Netflix. I give the film a 4.5/5, and you can watch the trailer here. 

Quicksilver Highway (1997)

On paper this movie is amazing, in execution, not so much. I must say I love anthology TV series' (Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Night Gallery, Tales From The Crypt, Tales From the Darkside) and I wish there were more of them still around nowadays, because I love short singular stories, and it's a big time saver too to not have to watch a full season of a TV show and follow a story arc. But when it comes to movies, there are very few really good anthology movies out there (tying the short stories together in one coherent movie. Some of the best anthology movies (horror related) are Dead of Night (1945), Tales From the Crypt (1972), Stephen King's Cat's Eye (1985), The Twilight Zone Movie (1983), and Trick 'r Treat (2007). Other anthology movies such as VHS (2012, which I haven't seen) and Creepshow (1982, which I didn't like) are also some of the more famous anthology movies. Now Quicksilver Highway is a great premise: get two stories by two of the greatest minds in horror ever (Clive Barker, and Stephen King), and piece them together by a mysterious traveling character who lives in an undisclosed location (and in a trailer similar to Doctor Who's Tardis, bigger on the inside than the outside) in the american southwest to tell the tales and have arguably the greatest horror director from the TV world, Mick Garris (The Stand (1994) mini series, and Masters of Horror (2005-2007)), to direct and cinema legend Christopher Lloyd to star. However like other anthology movies 

that boast stories from great authors ( I'm looking at you Creepshow's 1&2) the stories they pick are some of the weakest of the authors' careers. The set locations in the U.S. southwest are great and creepy on their own (reminiscent of Near Dark (1987) and The Hitcher (1986)) but the rest of the movie is weak. Some of the actors are decent in here but there are more bad actors and over actors than good ones here, and I'm tempted to blame Garris's direction because I saw similar effects in Masters of Horror episodes. Christopher Lloyd's character is the narrator and he supposedly makes a living collecting rare objects and travelling the back roads of america taking a good look at the country's seedy underbelly. For anybody out there who has ever listened to any old radio shows, this premise might seem familiar. The 1930s and 40s radio shows The Whistler and The Mystrerious Traveler were also about mysterious travelers roaming the country telling and witnessing stories. Though I like the premise of the character (I loved the Whistler and Mysterious Traveler radio shows), the execution was lacking to me and you could tell this movie was put together after a failed attempt at a TV pilot was made. Lloyd's character first off looks more like a weird hobo than he does scary or even intriguing. Lloyd's costume has a cape and lace similar to Rutger Hauer's in The Hitcher. Plus Lloyd is also wearing a dog collar-esque ladies choker around his neck with symbols representing his 

stories decorated on it. Lloyd also sports a bizarre bowl-cut moptop hairdo. As for the stories themselves the first is called "The Chattery Teeth" by Stephen King and is about a man who picks up a murderous hitch hiker and is saved by a sentient pair of novelty toy wind up teeth. The second story Clive Barker's 'The Body Politic," and is about a man's hands becoming sentient and separating themselves from the man's body and starting a war between mankind and "hand-kind." First of all as I said before the acting is poor for the most part but it's the worst in the Barker story. In the hands (no pun intended) of the right writers and directors the whole "possessed hand" story can be good, but it always runs the risk of becoming way too campy and almost always succumbs to that fate. Some titles that execute the "possessed hand" story well are The Beast with Five Fingers (1946) starring Peter Lorre, and Body Parts (1991). The actor in this film with the possessed hands is ridiculous looking and super hammy. However the other redeeming quality of this movie is the special effects. Special effects wise, the teeth and the hands (when severed) are well done and some of the best sentient objects moving on their own scenes put to film. The other thing that I didn't like about this movie was that apart from the stories shared sentient object theme, the stories have nothing in common and they don't even bother to connect the narrator from point "a" to point "b," or have anything to do with the "dark side of america". There is one other cool thing about this movie though, Clive Barker and acclaimed director John Landis (Blues Brothers, American Werewolf in London, Animal House) have cameos in the second segement of this made for TV movie. Overall I have to give this movie a 2/5, and you can watch the trailer here.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors (1987)

I recently re-watched the original Nightmare on Elm Street and was very impressed. I hadn't seen it since I was 14 and that was long before I started watching horror movies so I closed my eyes during a lot of it and missed the wonderful effects. I did remember that I enjoyed the second Nightmare film though as it was a unique take on a werewolf or vampire film (instead of turning into one of those monsters the main character is turning into Freddy Krueger). But I never cared to see anymore of a series I perceived as only continuing its existence because Hollywood executives knew how to milk a franchise and market towards teenagers. I thought the clever Psychological (and almost blood and deathless) second entry in the franchise was as good as it got for Freddy films. Then within the last year I started seeing references to the Dream Warriors sequel pop up all over the place. I heard about the song/music video that 80s hair metal band Dokken did for the film and I read all the comments on the youtube upload of the video written by devoted fans who loved the third film the most of the series. I also saw that the site where I buy my horror movie t-shirts made a couple different shirts dedicated to the film. At this point I had to at least look up the film, so I did and I was surprised to find an interesting plot involving the main character from the first film training a new group of teenagers how to control their dreams and fight back against Freddy like a horror movie version of the X-Men. I love the paranormal and movies about psychic phenomena and the like, so after hearing this description and all the praise the film got from all around the corners of the internet (as well as seeing this was Oscar winner Patricia Arquette's film debut, and features a young Lawrence Fishburne) I had to see this for myself. In this film Freddy (essentially

the boogeyman) has once again returned from beyond the grave to kill children in their dreams with his famous finger knives. For starters it was nice to see the franchise finally make a direct sequel to the first film after the second film was kind of more of a reboot than a direct sequel (it completely ignored everything about the story of the first film except for Freddy, his origin story, and the fact that murders happened). It was nice to see Heather Langenkamp return, and since I myself am a fresh out of college aspiring Counseling student, it was nice to see a character from a horror movie I like pursuing what I hope to be my future career. The movie starts with a horrific dream sequence showing that this film is not afraid to get right to the action. That being said the film has a wonderful pace, wonderful cinematography, and arguably the best effects and acting out of the entire series. Freddy personalizes his attacks on the teenagers much moreso in this film than the previous two. A former heroin addict is killed by Freddy with syringe fingers instead of knives. A mute kid has his tongue ripped out and is tied to a bed with it while Freddy quips "Feeling Tongue-tied??" It was also nice to see the franchise finally come into the humor it (like the Child's Play/Chucky series) would become famous for. Freddy has wonderful one-liners like when he kills

a girl who longs to be an actress, he transforms into a TV and tells her "This is your big break in TV Jennifer! Welcome to prime-time bitch!" as he shoves her head through the TV glass electrocuting her. As mentioned before the effects are incredible in this movie, in one scene Freddy turns into a giant worm (while still retaining his face) and attempts to gobble up one of the kids. The film also embellishes on Krueger's origin story now giving him the badass nickname "The bastard son of 1000 maniacs". My only problem with this movie is the ending. I won't give it away but like how Game of Thrones functions, you're going to be upset if you get attached to too many of the characters. The movie is definitely one of the better horror movie sequels of all time. It was so good it makes me sad to hear that none of the series' later films are supposedly anywhere near as good as this one. What I love overall about the Elm Street franchise is that the teenagers in these movies are not the mindless horny teenagers you see in most other horror films. Most of the time the kids in these movies are actually smart, and likable, which makes the villain all the more scarier for killing these kids, it makes the viewer feel like this could almost happen to anyone, even you. Also I have always loved surrealist art music and films, and Nightmare is the surrealist horror franchise, no doubt about it. For someone like myself who has some of the most effed up dreams ever, it's nice to see terrifying dreams in a movie actually reach my level of weird/terrifying.  I give the film a 4.5/5 stars. You can watch the trailer below:

Suburban Sasquatch (2004)

I can honestly say the quality of this cover art is better than the whole film.

I usually review good movies here on my blog but lately I saw gem so horrible it deserves to be as beloved as other horrible films like The Room, Birdemic or Troll 2. This is basically people fooling around with a camcorder with spectacularly horrible results. Every possible error you could ever have in a film is present in this. And every time you think something clever might happen in this film it shatters all hopes and expectations. The movie is about Big Foot causing a ruckus in suburbia. The plot is so poorly constructed though that stuff just sort of happens and there is no real flow to this movie, most of the characters don't even have names. The Sasquatch costume is very clearly a cheap Halloween costume, and all other props were very clearly bought from a Halloween store as well (severed limbs and whatnot). Pretty much whenever there isn't a bat-shit insane sasquatch attack happening there is horrible boring dialogue that makes no sense that sounds like the stupid crap people think sounds super intelligent when they're stoned out of their minds. There are some fantastic lines in this film though like a child's mother trying to reassure him that bigfoot isn't real: "He's not real timmy that's why he's never around, like the Boogeyman or your father." Also the sasquatch somehow has supernatural powers and can teleport anywhere (and apparently he can grow taller for some reason?). The hilariousness of how horrible this film is cannot be underestimated: during driving sequences character very clearly drive around in circles, in certain scenes they reuse the same shot five times, there is a fabulous attack scene 

"I don't believe, I sell!"
actual line from this man.

where the sasquatch attacks a stopped car  and during the scene the editor mixes shots of both the car moving and stopped, the sasquatch's growl sounds like an upset stomach, there are many scenes of the sasquatch goofily flailing his arms around, the "cave" where the sasquatch lives is very clearly someone's garage or basement with a black garbage bag draped on the wall, and the film's racist stereotype of a Native American woman who is supposed to be a mystical archery expert hits the sasquatch fifty times  

throughout the film (sometimes with Nerf arrows, sometimes with horrible CG arrows) and they never have any affect. Also this movie has continuity and editing errors up the wazoo, most of the time you can tell they just used the camera's external microphone. The movie also has atrocious CG effects. The police officers have worse costumes than the cops in Scooby Doo, and most of the time they never drive a cop car, not to mention they talk directly into a fax machine because somehow the makers of this piece of shit couldn't even afford a damn Walkie Talkie! Not to mention the Newspaper office and the Police Office are very clearly shot inside of an elementary school building. The movie does have some amazing death scenes though. There is one scene where the yeti rips out a man's own intestines and feeds them to him!  This is the perfect movie to rip apart and do commentary on with a group of friends. The worst kind of movie is one that is so horrible that there is nothing entertaining or enjoyable about it what so ever, and there are a lot of movies that fall into that category that actually have decent production values and actually follow the rules of cinema 101 very well. There are also movies that are designed to intentionally be horrible. And then there is the best kind of horrible movie, the one that is so bad it is unintentionally hilarious like the play "Springtime for Hitler" from The Producers. Suburban sasquatch falls into the latter category and for that reason it cannot be judged or evaluated in the same sense that one uses for "good" movies. Therefore as a "So-bad-it's-good" movie I give Suburban Sasquatch a 5/5, but in a traditional sense I give it a -9001/5. Here is a video review and some clips of the movie's best moments.

They look more like UPS men than Cops.

Delicatessen (1991)

You could call this film a post apocalyptic dystopian Sci-Fi, a Dark Comedy, or a light hearted Romance and you would be correct on all three counts. From the same French director who became most known for the acclaimed and award winning Amelie (also known for City of Lost Children, and Alien: Resurrection) comes this incredibly unique and delightful film.  The film takes place in future France (date unspecified though the costumes and props give the film a 1940s feel) after the world has been ravaged by nuclear warfare and farmers can no longer grow crops of any kind (or at least fertile soil and seeds are incredibly hard to come by). So people have now resorted to eating meat, but due to no crops, animals are also hard to come by, so a French landlord who also happens to own a butcher shop hacks up his tenants and sells them to his customers. Despite that description sounding incredibly dark and bleak, I kid you not this film is one of the most whimsical and light-hearted movies I've seen in a long time, possibly ever. This is director Jean-Pierre Jeunet's first film and it has won many awards, won much praise from critics, and is featured in many "greatest films of all time" lists. Jeunet has a very distinct style to all his films, and they usually come off as visually rich, but distinctly French, dark fantasies; This film is no exception. The actor Dominique Pinon (who is 

featured in all of Jeunet's films) plays the main character, an ex-circus clown looking for a job and a place to live. His character thinks he has found a great deal at the Butcher's tenement, but he will soon realize what danger awaits him. The film takes turns showing off all the tenants in the building and each one of them is somewhat pathetic (though endearing) and funny in their own way. There are two competitive brothers who make novelty toys that make cow sounds, a woman who constantly tries (and fails) to commit suicide in elaborate ways, a down on his luck salesman who designs condoms and sells "rat-calls," and the Butcher's own shy bookish daughter who takes a fancy to the new tenant. The highlights of this film include its great special effects, its bizarre romance between the ex-clown and the Butcher's daughter (they play a musical duet for cello and "singing" saw), its incredible wit (I found myself laughing out loud to this one several times), and the fact it maintains an inspiring "wide-eyed" innocence in a seemingly bleak world. Make no mistake this is a weird one, and quite often some of the laughs come from the sheer weirdness of the film, but I found it thoroughly unique and enjoyable. Delicatessen was to me  refreshingly uplifting drink of water, in the midst of  a sea of dark and gritty films with bleak outlooks on life. Delicatessen shows that there is hope no matter how bad life seems. I give it a 5/5. You can watch the trailer here. 

 

The Original Sweeney Todd aka The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1936)

The story of Sweeney Todd goes all the way back to 1847 when it first appeared as a serial in British penny dreadful's (an early form of campy or melodramatic pulp fiction) but it has arguably never been as famous or popular as it has been in the last 30 years or so. The most well known portrayals of this classic story of "the demon barber" are the tony award winning Stephen Soundheim musical version, and the Tim Burton Johnny Depp (2007) film version of said musical . But before either of those versions there was a film version made in 1936. If you are not familiar with the story, Sweeney Todd is the name of an English Barber in London who murders his customers and gives them to the little lady next door, who butchers them and makes them into her famous meat pies. It's gruesome to be sure, but its the story's ghastliness that has made it stick in pop culture for so long. Back in the 1930s Hollywood's biggest leading men in Horror were the Hungarian Bela Lugosi, and the British Boris Karloff. While Karloff was the most famous English man in Horror at the time, there was another man of the day who was just as big as Karloff in the UK; Tod Slaughter. Slaughter made many horror films in England back in the 30s and 40s, but his fame didn't quite transfer across the Atlantic he remained and remains still, largely unknown. He was famous for playing over the top madmen in Victorian melodramas,

his most famous of which was Sweeney Todd. He did influence many future famous names in horror such as Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, both most famous for the many gothic British melodramatic films they made with Hammer Studios. Overall the film is decent. Slaughter is brilliantly chilling in the title role and reminds me a bit of Mark Hamil's interpretation of The Joker in Batman: the animated series. Unlike the famous musical and film version, Todd is not an empathetic character in the story here and is only the villain, not the kind of antihero portrayed in later versions with a much more complex story-line. The movie never goes into the background of Todd or why he murders these people, and that mystery makes the character all the more chilling. Overall it's a purely entertaining film with nothing too deep to it, but who says it has to be anything more? Obviously the production values of the film are more than a little dated being almost 80 years old, but Slaughter's portrayal of the character is still somewhat frightening even by today's standards. I give the film a 4/5. You can watch entire film on youtube here.

Peeping Tom (1960)

 

   On the special features of the DVD for this film, there is a documentary entitled "A Very British Psycho," and there is almost no better way to sum up this film than by saying just that. Peeping Tom was the last big film made by renowned and celebrated English director Michael Powell, who was most famous for visually stunning classics like Black Narcissus, The Red Shoes, and The Thief of Bagdad. All those films by Powell mentioned plus several others are featured as a part of the prestigious Criterion Collection, including Peeping Tom. Peeping Tom is one of the best psychological character studies in film, not just horror films, but all film. The title character is an antisocial photographer who struggles with his voyeuristic urges and ends up killing several models of the course of the film, but does so while filming them. This film was very shocking when it was first released and it definitely had the potential to turn into a Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer-esque film, in that it could have shown us a merciless sociopathic unfeeling killer. Instead of doing that however Peeping Tom is wonderfully sympathetic of its main character, making the audience feel for him and whatever psychological illness he struggles with. The film also differs from most serial-killer films because the main character does seek out treatment and does seem to progress at points throughout the film, even though (trying not to give any spoilers here) the film does end with a rather tragic tone. The film is very Freudian showing how childhood traumas can cause behaviors or disorders that can last the rest of the child's lifetime. Other notable things about the movie are one: that the cinematography is gorgeous and there are a lot of unique and interesting POV shots, two: the acting is fantastic, and three: Powell cast himself as the main characters cold scientific seemingly inhuman father who photographed the main character's every move when he was a child. A role that Powell actually slightly resembled in real life through the fact that he always carried a camera with him and filmed everything, and that he cast his own son to play the main character as a child. The film received terrible reviews initially and 

its theatrical run in the UK only lasted 2 weeks. Later that year Hitchcock released his similar film Psycho (which of course has become an immortal classic) and he surprised the press by telling them he wouldn't have a special pre-release screening for the film (a film industry standard that is still practiced today even). When asked why he wouldn't have the screening Hitchcock had this to say: "You saw what happened to Mickey's film (referring to Powell), therefore I'm serious when I say there will be no press screening. They may hate my film even more!" Peeping Tom essentially ruined Powell's career for the remainder of his life until shortly before his death the film earned praise by "New-Hollywood" directors like Martin Scorsese and Francis Ford Coppola. The film has regained the praise it missed initially, throughout the years becoming a cult classic as well as universally loved by critics, regarded as both a classic and an art film, and by many one of the greatest films of all time. Though the film can be tense at times (even though no graphic violence is ever shown on camera) it is worth watching all the way through, and I give it a 5/5. Instead of posting the trailer like I normally do, I've decided to include the film's opening scene below. The movie is also featured in Rue Morgue's 200 Alternative Horror Films You Need to See.